The 30 Stages Of Having A Traumatic Hair Experience
1. So, you think it’s time to make a change to your hair.
Your current style just isn’t cutting it anymore.
2. You have a perfect vision of how you want your hair to look.
4. Which suddenly falls away with each snip.
Did the hairstylist even LOOK at the photo you showed them??
5. You see that your hair is dropping everywhere around you.
6. This is the point where your dream makeover turns into disaster.
**miracles DON’T happen**
8. Before the shock settles in, you wonder who the fuck told you bangs was a good idea.
9. Actually, you wonder what possessed you to make the worst decision of your life.
You really don’t know.
10. And you definitely think “OF COURSE this would happen to me.”
11. But you grin and bear it, although your soul is basically dead.
12. You’re normally a nice person, but you can’t help but throw the stylist some fierce shade when you go to pay.
16. Everywhere you go, everyone seems to be rubbing their long, beautiful hair in your face.
Which makes you cry harder.
18. And when you’re not fuming or crying, you’re just freaking out.
20. So you salvage what hair you have left.
21. And you’ll probably turn to this:
Which might not help the whole “I-have-orange-hair” situation, but desperate times, etc.
Even though the smell literally makes you barf every time you use it.
23. But eventually you resort to cutting off your hair.
Is it really that easy?
24. And you basically feel free.
25. Until you seethe at THAT ONE question:
“Are you trying to look like a boy?” Or these other cringe-worthy, totally unacceptable words.
In which you respond:
No, I’m trying to look like MYSELF, OK?