The 26 Stages Of Buying Your First Bra
Cringe. Cringe. Cringe.
1. You’ve started filling out in the boob area.
2. Some girls in your school year have already made the move.
3. You know, because you’ve been awkwardly trying to look at the same time as avoiding eye contact in the changing room for months.
4. You take the pencil test.
This involves positioning a pencil between your breasts and pushing them together. If the pencil stays put, you need a bra.
5. Eughhhhhhh you need a bra.
6. It’s time for a heinously awkward chat with your mum.
7. She looks so proud of you. You die inside.
8. She takes you to your nearest department store.
9. You pray no one you know will be there.
10. OMG THERE ARE SO MANY BRAS.
11. Everyone is staring at you.
12. Your mum calls over a chirpy sales assistant.
13. She asks you what kind of bra you want. You don’t know. You’re so embarrassed. You pick the first one you see.
14. “Perhaps you could start with a training bra,” she suggests. You’re close to tears.
15. She pushes you into a changing room and brings out a tape measure.
16. It’s time to take off your top. No one’s ever seen your boobs before. What if they’re not normal? What if one’s bigger than the other?
17. Now she’s talking numbers. Apparently you’re a 28AA. What does that mean? Does it mean you’re fat?
18. “Is that comfortable? Does that feel like the right size?” YOU DON’T KNOW. HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?
19. You go back to the shop floor. Everyone in the bra department is looking at you. They know exactly what you’ve been doing.
20. Everyone is staring at your teeny, tiny boobs.
21. You wait by the door as your mum pays the cashier. She’s laughing. The joke is probably you.
22. As soon as you get home, you try your new bra on. You hate it. The straps keep falling down. The top bit keeps bunching up underneath your clothes. IT ITCHES SO MUCH.
23. Your younger siblings make fun of you. Is it true you’ve just bought a bra? AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
24. You go outside. Everyone knows. They can see the straps.
25. You rush back home. You take off your bra. Bye, bra. Bye.
26. Eughhhhhhh that was awful.
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