Community Post: Why Link Is Actually A Criminal
1. He’s been wielding weapons since a very young age
OK, so he may have been called to save the world at a age when most of us were still playing Pokémon Cards, but seriously – who gives a child a sword?!
2. He has an insatiable hatred towards chickens
We’d understand if Link hunted chickens for food (there’s not a Nando’s in Hyrule as far as we know) but the fact is, he terrorises them for pure fun. If that doesn’t deserve an ASBO, we’re not sure what does.
3. He blows up people’s homes without a second thought
‘Oh, there seems to be a little crack in the wall. Should I notify the owner of the property? Nah, I’ll blow it up instead and probably steal their hidden treasure and injure their pet chicken. Man, I hate chickens.’
4. He stole a horse
If Hyrule had cars, then we reckon Link would just go ahead and steal them too. Grand Theft Zelda anyone?
5. He breaks into people’s homes
Somebody should really let Link know that it’s really not cool to break into someone’s house in the middle of the night. In fact, we’re fairly sure it’s illegal.
6. He walks into houses without an invitation
We blame Link’s shocking lack of social skills (c’mon the guy doesn’t even talk!) on the fact he was raised by fairies. Still, couldn’t they have told him to at least knock before waltzing in someone’s front door?
7. He has a BIG problem with pots
Was Link plagued by nightmares of terracotta pottery throughout his childhood? That would explain why he feels the need to smash pots to pieces every time he sees them. It could have something to do with the rupees lurking within them though. Thug. Life.
8. He steals from shops
Not content with stealing a horse, Link has also been known to take things from shops without paying. C’mon, Link – it’s not as if business is going well for this shopkeeper; he only has four items and a till.
9. He meddles in other people’s business
Ok, so being a gossip might not be a crime, but it sure is annoying. Link seems to think of himself as a Cilla Black figure, as he’s always trying to match people up. Let’s face it – ain’t nobody got time for that!
10. He attacks his fellow neighbours
We know that Tingle is one of the most annoying Nintendo characters ever (yep, even more irritating than Princess Peach) but surely he doesn’t deserve to be swatted from the sky? Reality check, this isn’t Smash Brothers, Link.