Community Post: The 20 Stages Of Losing Your Mind At The DMV
1. Realizing that you have to go to the DMV.
2. Trying to navigate the DMV website.
Links don’t work. Typos everywhere. You hate this already.
3. Printing out all the necessary paperwork before you go and feeling pretty proud of your organizational skills.
You have paperclips, multiple black and blue pens, even a pretty binder. Lookatchu.
4. Getting to the DMV and realizing THERE IS NO PREPARING FOR THE DMV.
There’s already a line out the door at 8 a.m. on a Wednesday. Lololol you’re stupid.
5. Wondering why everyone who works at the DMV is so MEAN.
If they hate their jobs so much, why don’t they do something else? Why are they ruining your life? IT’S NOT FAIR.
6. Wanting to disappear when you go to the waiting area full of shrieking toddlers and grumpy people.
Everyone hates everything and everyone, including you.
7. Sitting in the waiting area full of shrieking toddlers and grumpy people for two hours.
You now also hate everyone and everything.
8. Realizing that there is no end in sight and you will likely die at the DMV.
You were a fool not to bring snacks.
9. FINALLY hearing your number called.
OMG THAT’S YOU. PANIC ATTACK. HURRY!
10. Sprinting toward your assigned counter with so much desperation and hope.
Surely this is the end of your misery.
11. Learning that you’re missing one mystery document that you’ve never heard of because everything is DUMB.
YOU WAITED FOR TWO HOURS FOR THIS? THAT WASN’T ON THE WEBSITE. RAAAAAAGE.
12. Throwing a tantrum in the DMV.
“Ma’am, I don’t know. You’ll have to go to another DMV station (across town) to stand in another line and then come back here. Before 4. It’s now 3:30. NEXT!”
13. Storming out of the DMV and vowing to never return.
You convince yourself that if you park your car on a different part of the street every day, you’ll outsmart the cops.
14. Checking your car everyday for another parking ticket while you procrastinate on going back to the DMV.
You’re actually praying again on a regular basis.
15. Failing inspection for the third time and having to drop hundreds of dollars anyway to fix the problem.
And knowing that you are 100% being screwed and having no other options.
16. Considering just abandoning your car in a Wal-Mart parking lot.
You’re so done.
17. Remembering all the fun times you’ve had in your car and regaining your resolve to NEVER GIVE UP, NEVER SURRENDER.
You blast Survivor’s “Eye of the Tiger” on your way back to the DMV.
18. Holding your breath as they go through your paperwork for the 1838394023th time.
You pray that you filled in everything correctly.
19. WINNING THE DMV! All your documents are correct and your life won’t be ending today.
You call your family to tell them the war is over.
Other suggestions for the real name behind DMV:
Department of Molting Vultures
Department of Moldy Vaginas
Department of Malicious Vagrants
Department of Macabre Vileness
Department of Masochistic Villains
Department of Monster Venom
Department of Malevolent Vehemence
Department of Moody Vampires
And of course…
Department of Mr. Voldemort
…or Department of Marvolo (Riddle) Voldemort!
It’s all so clear now.