59 Reasons Netflix Streaming Is Extremely Disappointing
This post is dedicated to everyone who has ever spent a full hour trying to find something to watch before giving up completely.
Netflix is great, right? They have cool original series like Orange Is the New Black…
And House of Cards…
..and the fourth season of Arrested Development.
But if you’re looking for movies that are streaming on Netflix, you have to say a little prayer and hope for the best.
Let’s say you get the urge to rewatch Boogie Nights. What a great movie, right?
1. Nope. Not happening.
2. OK, maybe a different Paul Thomas Anderson film?
3. Ugh, seriously?
OK, OK. It’s not a Paul Thomas Anderson night. But what about…
4. Robert Altman?
5. Francis Ford Coppola?
6. Richard Linklater?
7. Woody Allen, aside from Annie Hall and Manhattan, or his lame recent movies?
8. Maybe something by John Cassavetes?
9. Nicole Holofcener?
10. Alfred Hitchcock?
11. Roman Polanski, in his glory days?
12. Coen Brothers? They gotta have The Big Lebowski.
13. Maybe something a bit older, like a Preston Sturges movie?
14. Or possibly John Ford?
15. Fine. Fine. Maybe…Martin Scorcese?
16. A slightly less popular Scorcese movie?
Ugh. This one is so good too.
(In fairness, they do have Pulp Fiction and Kill Bill.)
21. Orson goddamn Welles?
22. Are there any classic movies here?
23. Like, at all?
24. Anything a budding cinephile might want to catch up on?
25. C’mon, guys.
26. This is impossible.
OK, this is a real shot in the dark, but is there even the slightest chance they could have some….French New Wave films?
27. LOL, of course not!
28. Why would there be?
29. As far as Netflix is concerned, Louis Malle doesn’t even exist.
30. And Breathless is some movie by a South Korean director.
You know what? Maybe the problem is that we’re looking for movies that are a little too arty. Let’s just watch something popular. Something everyone knows and loves.
35. Of course.
36. That’s hilarious.
37. It’s insane to think they’d have a Harry Potter movie, much less all of them.
38. Now just randomly typing in the names of famous movies.
42. Yeah, this wasn’t the Arthur I had in mind.
48. Nope, nope.
49. Nope, nope, nope.
OK. It could be that Netflix is just a lot better for binging on television shows. Maybe it’s time to catch up on a classic series.
55. You’re killing me, Netflix.
56. It’s not like this isn’t in reruns on TV all day, but still.
57. This is futile.
58. And, frankly, at this point, soul-crushing.
59. It’s like Netflix is trying to hurt us.
Well, there’s only one solution to this problem.
It’s time to go where everybody knows your name.
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