35 Signs You Read Enid Blyton As A Child (And Quite Possibly As An Adult)
1. You can read the names ‘Fanny’ and ‘Dick’ without laughing.
Well, OK, maybe a tiny snigger.
2. You treat any open window, no matter how small, as a security risk.
If children aren’t trying to sneak in, monkeys will be.
3. Eavesdropping is your greatest weapon.
4. Though you’re also familiar with many varieties of traditional blade and firearm.
Always. Be. Prepared.
5. Your favourite insults are ‘horrid’, ‘frightful’, ‘beastly’, ‘hateful’ and ‘‘donkey’.
Let’s not even mention ‘prig’.
6. There’s no problem that a little running away won’t solve.
Preferably to your own private island, but a hollow tree will do.
7. You know how to signal with a lantern from a hilltop or castle turret.
8. If someone calls you ‘Big Ears’, you take it as a compliment.
Big Ears, enormous heart.
9. You were absolutely horrified when you discovered that Elizabeth was going to a school with boys in it.
10. You’ve always thought it would be quite nice to live on a farm.
11. Or in a caravan.
12. Or at the circus.
If only you’d had the opportunity, you could have been the world’s greatest acrobat.
13. You learnt your anger management techniques from Darrell Rivers.
Not always with a great deal of success.
14. You’ve always wanted a slippery-slip in your house, instead of stairs.
15. You know how to enjoy the simple things in life.
Not a giant cartwheel?!
16. You knew that toys were alive long before Toy Story.
And they have a whole land to themselves.
17. In your eyes, the fact that lacrosse isn’t an Olympic sport is a shocking oversight.
And curling is?!
18. You are always on the lookout for people disappearing into or appearing out of small holes.
Usually with criminal intent.
19. Food is your number one priority.
20. Although your tastes are straightforward – potted-meat sandwiches, sausages fried over a camping stove and treacle tart.
21. And ice cream.
LOTS of ice cream.
22. You maintain a watchful eye for signs of naughtiness, and you know how to nip them in the bud.
23. You’re always happy to accept a reward for a job well done.
I’ll just take a couple of ingots, thanks.
24. You expect the unexpected.
These things happen.
25. You know that, sometimes, your only option is to fake a minor injury.
“Cramp, I tell you! Cramp!”
26. If a prank is required, you have a list as long as your arm.
Because what’s funnier than trying to poison a classmate?
27. You know that a gang’s not a gang without a canine member.
Possible names: ‘Timmy’, ‘Scamper’, ‘Loopy’, ‘Bingo’, ‘Shadow’ and ‘Stinker’,
28. You firmly maintain that all mysterious paths, alleys, caves and buildings must be investigated.
If you don’t investigate, who will?
29. Your idea of heaven can be summed up in two words: Pop. Biscuits.
Fortunately, an Internet genius has worked out a way to make Pop Biscuitsa reality.
30. Granted, your feelings about race issues are mixed, troublesome and problematic.
31. As are your feelings towards gender relations.
32. And also violence.
What would Darrell Rivers do?
33. And, yes, your worldview can sometimes be a little blinkered.
34. But you’re always to look at things from a new perspective.
35. And, at the end of the day, you know right from wrong.
Keep reading, Blyton-lovers.
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