27 Texts You NEVER Want To Get From Your Mom
Why cruel gods (of autocorrect)?
1. The “You have a new mom” text.
2. The insanely high self-confidence text.
3. ANY TEXT REFRENCING JUSTIN OR JAKE. FUCK JUSTIN AND JAKE.
4. The family recipe text.
5. Non sequiturs.
6. Any sort of home remedy guarantee.
7. The causal “Someone told me you’re in a relationship?” text.
8. Any reference to the passing of the family torch.
9. A cool new emoticon.
10. The “We’re having a great time now that you moved out of the house!” text.
11. Any text about locations or directions.
12. That superfluous clarification text.
13. The text when you realize your Mom’s too busy for even you.
14. Any text that will end in you vomiting on your phone.
15. The 😉 text.
16. The “We’re still working through our problems” text.
17. The obligatory Sunday family dinner reminder.
18. Any and all single entendres.
19. Any pontification on internet lingo.
20. The “Someone told me you’re having trouble in your relationship?” text.
21. Any text about new age-y shit.
22. The “You just moved out and I’m checking up on you!” text.
23. Any texts bout the new fad she and all her friends are trying.
24. No seriously, ban fads, especially if they’re diet-related.
25. The “I know what you’ve been keeping from me!” text.
26. The “15-minute warning” text.
27. And the indecisive, “Should I have really bought this?” text.
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