21 Topiary Designs That Will Haunt Your Dreams
1. The spiky pink avians trying to look busy
Why they’re so creepy: Spikes are inherently unsettling. If that weren’t enough, these critters look like they’re made of individual tentacles, so either the birds themselves or the beasts they’re made of could jump atchya.
2. The startled buffalo who are looking right at you
Why they’re so creepy: They look like gentle giants, but “bitch please, buffalo are killers” is something people should say more often.
3. The urinating dog who is made of plant and peeing on a plant
Why it’s so creepy: More unsettling than the dog itself is the person who thought this would be hilarious; nobody likes a 12-year-old boy with garden shears.
4. The unknown quadruped looking concerned
Why it’s so creepy: This plant-creature is unidentifiable. Also, it seems to be locked out of the house, and that is a strange thing to have happen to you when you’re a topiary.
5. The gang of dogs just hanging out being motionless friends together
Why it’s so creepy: No one should have to frolic in the same position forever.
6. The squatting rodent with holes where its eyes should be
Why it’s so creepy: Everyone knows “squat” comes before “pounce.”
7. The pied piper & his hostage child friends
Why it’s so creepy: The Pied Piper is a child abductor. Making him out of a hedge doesn’t mitigate that.
8. The giant bird in prime pecking position
Why it’s so creepy: A beak the size of your face. The size of your face.
9. The lurking alligators who are just gonna lurk there, don’t you worry your pretty little head about it
Why it’s so creepy: If you’re lurking, you’re creepy. If you’re lurking and blending in with the plant-life around you, you’re very creepy.
10. The grimacing forest sprite wearing a brooch
Why it’s so creepy: It looks like this sprite is carrying a platter, and it looks like what’s on that platter is very similar to what the sprite is made of, which is very suggestive of cannibalism.
11. The hoop-earrings conehead who is just a little angry but she’s trying to hold it in, no really, she’s fine
Why it’s so creepy: Because of the face.
12. The long-necked horse or the short-necked giraffe who really wishes you would put that camera down
Why it’s so creepy: I don’t know what you are, but I can tell that you are dissembling by disassembling and that frightens me.
13. The happy deer friends who are trying a little too hard to seem super happy, so it’s gotten a little suspicious
Why it’s so creepy: One of them has jumped and is now just levitating there. Levitating is wrong whether you’re a deer or a topiary.
14. The mystery predator who is deeply displeased that you interrupted his hunt
Why it’s so creepy: Its mouth is gaping.
15. The reindeer friend standing at the end of your walk not saying anything
Why it’s so creepy: The stare.
16. The very round head collection making a variety of faces, none of which look very friendly
Why they’re so creepy: They’re heads with no bodies.
17. The large, smiling robot-dog who’s new in town and really wants to talk your ear off or maybe eat your ear off, who can tell really
Why it’s so creepy: A blank-eyed smile cannot be trusted.
18. The steel-eye rabbit popping suddenly out of the foliage
Why it’s so creepy: Like the velveteen rabbit before him, this topiary rabbit has seen better days. Unlike the velveteen rabbit, the topiary rabbit will never let you forget him.
19. The enormous cobra poised to strike
Why it’s so creepy: Counter-intuitively, the scales on this topiary are more creepy than the fact that it’s a giant cobra posturing aggressively. Also, it is a giant cobra posturing aggressively.
20. The wide-eyed duckling who doesn’t fit in with the city crowd so he’s just going to stand there screaming until he dies
Why it’s so creepy: It is a giant duckling; it doesn’t belong in an urban environment.
21. The fanatical rabbit who has just stolen your pink ball
Why it’s so creepy: The rabbit is a thief and likely a murderer.