21 Things That Happen When You Don’t Eat Meat
1. You will get overwhelmed at a vegetarian restaurant because you can order ANYTHING from the menu.
And not just the token vegetarian entree!
2. Someone will be confused about why you can’t just remove the pepperonis from the pepperoni pizza.
FOUR WORDS: PITS OF PEPPERONI GREASE.
4. The server will enthusiastically explain the restaurant’s specials (which include filet mignon and pork chops), and you’ll have to smile politely the whole time.
Lol, not ordering that.
6. People will constantly tell you how they could “NEVER stop eating bacon.”
7. You will get paranoid about your roommate using your pans to cook meat.
Omelette residue 🙁
8. You will develop laser-sharp vision for identifying meat in buffet salads and sandwiches.
Thanks for NOTHING, potato salad with secret bacon.
9. Someone will apologize for eating meat in your presence.
10. Everyone will tell you about that time they stopped eating meat for “like six months.”
12. You develop fervent preferences for store-bought veggie burger brands.
14. You will have to decline three-quarters of hors d’oeuvres.
And then you’ll get drunk twice as fast as everyone else because you’re not eating.
16. You will develop a really good elevator pitch for “So, why are you a vegetarian?”
17. You will realize that vegetarian sushi is both super tasty and not good at filling you up.
2 p.m.: cucumber roll
4 p.m.: ENTIRE PIZZA
18. You will become hyper-paranoid about chicken broth.
Is this soup made with chicken broth? Was this rice cooked with chicken broth? Are there chicken broth particles floating through the air???
19. You will leave weddings being totally hungry.
Also, choosing between the steak and chicken options is kind of hilarious, because you’re just going to scarf the mashed potatoes regardless.