18 New Year’s Resolutions From 1992
1. Wear more plaid.
The rise of grunge music meant more and more people wanting to dress like Kurt Cobain. Some of us still do.
2. Try out for “The Real World.”
The first season of MTV’s long-running reality series premiered in May. Are you cool enough to be one of seven strangers?
3. Leave the house on Saturday nights despite great TV programming.
Nickelodeon’s original Snick line-up (Clarissa Explains It All, Roundhouse, Ren & Stimpy, Are You Afraid of the Dark) made it tough to get off the couch, whether or not it was big and orange.
4. Learn how to play sax.
Bill Clinton did the seemingly impossible: He made running for president look cool, and he made playing the sax look like the coolest.
5. Work on your Jack Nicholson impression.
A Few Good Men was released on Dec. 11, which means you still have time to perfect your “You can’t handle the truth!” before it falls out of fashion. (Just kidding, it will always be hilarious.)
6. Find out the ending to “The Crying Game.”
Everyone was talking about the big twist. The Crying Game was in U.S. theaters in November, but it didn’t get a wide release until 1993.
7. Abstain from sexual activity as long as possible.
At least see if you can go longer than Elaine and Kramer. The classic Seinfeld episode “The Contest” aired Nov. 18.
8. Plan out your three wishes in advance.
And remember, you only really get two, because your third wish has to be to release Genie. Don’t be a dick. Disney’s Aladdin came out on Nov. 25.
9. Quit crushing on Paul Reiser.
Mad About You debuted in September, so you get a pass for a couple months. But if you’re still hankering for a hot slab of Paul by summer 2013, you’re only letting yourself down.
10. Learn how to navigate New York.
If Kevin can do it, you really have no excuse. You could also stand to be nicer to pigeon ladies in the park. Home Alone 2 hit theaters in November.
11. Hit that high note in “I Will Always Love You.”
Do Whitney Houston proud. With enough practice, you’ll get there.
12. Finish mourning “The Golden Girls.”
I know it’s hard, but all good things must come to an end. The Golden Girls aired its series finale in May. (You could always watch the spin-off, The Golden Palace.)
13. Make enough money to live on your own.
Because Single White Female came out on Aug. 14, and suddenly the notion of living with a roommate seemed a lot less attractive.
14. Be a badass.
Sinéad O’Connor ripped up a photo of the Pope on the Oct. 3 episode of Saturday Night Live. Do you dare to do anything nearly as controversial?
15. Get in shape for “Guts.”
You’re going to need to be fit if you ever want to climb the Aggro Crag. Nick’s sports competition premiered in September.
16. Join a choir.
Or become a nun. But I’ll level with you: One’s a whole lot easier to do. Sister Act made us believers on May 29.
17. Don’t let Cosby sweaters fall out of fashion.
Just because The Cosby Show aired its last episode on April 30 doesn’t mean you have to give up dressing like TV’s most fashion-forward patriarch.
18. Always wear underwear.
Sharon Stone flashed audiences everywhere in Basic Instinct, released in March. Remember, if you’re going to dramatically uncross your legs, dress appropriately.
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